Hiding

(Namespace: theories)

Under this theory, some headmates are autojects of other headmates or groups of headmates, and exist as protective shields for the “real” ones. Really all of them are real, all of them have burdens of some kind, they just make themselves similar to each other so that the stronger and more stable ones can serve as camouflage for the ones with greater burdens to bear.

Under this theory, my headmates are organized as such:

• I am a combined autoject of all of us.
• Kate is an autoject of Sophie.
• Singer is a combined meta-autoject of Lucy, Alice, and Daisy.
• Lucy is a combined autoject of Oliver, Penelope, and Anabelle.
• Alice is a combined autoject of her three like-named undifferentiated insiders.
• Daisy is an autoject of May.

This autojection is not a strict one-way relationship. They can all cover for each other in this way about various subject matter.

As with all other dissociative mechanisms, the purpose of this hiding is to keep me from knowing about the most sensitive of my own troubles. According to the theory of incidents, they each hold certain particular burdens—so if someone who does not hold any given burden can act as the higher-order mind and mouthpiece for the one who does, then we as a collective do not have to actually meaningfully engage with the trouble in question:

• If Kate, not Sophie, handles hard work and perseverance, then we can actually stick with the work, instead of succumbing to exhaustion.
• If Lucy, not Oliver, handles thinking about the bathroom counter incident, then when Dad comes to get her, she can kick his ass.
• If Lucy, not Penelope and Anabelle, handles the revenge fantasies, she doesn't have to indulge them at a low mental age, and can actually possess the stature and physique necessary.
• This didn't function very well for awhile at first because they weren't differentiated enough, but… if Alice, not her three identical insiders, handles the suitcase incident, the verbal abuse from mom, and the school bullying—then Alice is going to be extremely unstable and upset! But only Alice. The Alices who actually hold those issues will be able to remain dormant.
• Daisy and May cover for each other symmetrically. When one is asleep, the other keeps them asleep by making them feel numb and happy.

We will do anything to avoid feeling.

Under this theory, the recent temporary redshift, in which Kate was briefly pushed down into Abyss and then pulled back out, actually did not cause any splits per se. There was no strong enough trigger to cause that.

Rather, the phenomenon I had mistaken for splitting was simply discovery. My headmates were already subsystems, but because their purpose in being subsystems was to hide their insiders from me, I simply didn't know before. Going from not knowing they were split, to knowing they were split, was very easy to mistake for watching them actively split in real time.

This also explains why the pseudo-splitting process starts with the gestalt subsystem becoming increasingly distressed, and ends with the distress drastically tapering off afterward. It's not because they “die.” It's because the autoject freaks out that I'm learning about their insiders when I'm not supposed to, and then my learning is finished, and then the autoject is calm again because the worst-case scenario has already come to pass and there is no longer a need to try to prevent it.

It seems like autojects are usually bigs (mental adults), and the insiders they're meant to hide away from me are usually littles (mental children).