====== Amnesia ======

The barriers giving rise to [[Abyss]] take the form of mild dissociative amnesia. I have incomplete memory sharing with my [[headmates]]. This is what keeps them distinct from me, and protects me from the bad things they know.

===== Significant past =====

I have no concrete factual recall of my [[trauma]], and the only way I know what happened at all is because of [[trauma#nightmares]], [[trauma#aftermath]], what they've [[internal communication|told]] me happened to them, and very sparse (but extant) objective evidence.

===== Everyday life =====

I do //not// have very severe daily-life inter-alter amnesia. I have what are sometimes called "grayouts" rather than blackouts: I dissociate, switch, and lose time, but the switches are gradual enough that most of what I need to remember to function has time to carry over. Rather than blacking out and waking up as someone else, I just get really intense mood swings, that also temporarily change my opinions, values, priorities, internal gender identity, felt sense of age, ideal body image, favorite color, and //some// of what I'm easily able to remember about my life and current situation without needing to actively remind myself. The only way I was even able to figure out for //sure// that I switch at //all// is because I'm constantly getting [[internal communication|intrusive thoughts that sound like other people talking to me]] and which side of the conversation is under my voluntary control keeps suddenly changing every so often.

My everyday-life amnesia used to be slightly more severe. As a child, I was always forgetting everything ever told to me, forgetting every task I was ever assigned, forgetting every face and voice and name I knew, and losing everything I ever took out of the house. There were a few times I did actually completely black out and wake up to discover I'd done something uncharacteristic. But these more severe symptoms cleared up as I grew up.

===== Cognitive and emotional blindness =====

My headmates have their own distinct thoughts and feelings that occur in parallel to mine but are mostly inaccessible to me. I have absolutely no idea what they're thinking or feeling at any given moment, unless either they voluntarily [[internal communication|tell]] me, or I involuntarily switch to them.