Abyss

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====== Redshift ======

(Namespace: [[theories:start]])

Redshift is a pervasive and far-reaching experiential phenomenon in our system that affects and/or describes the whole of its emotional functioning and [[dissociative mechanisms]]. The basic idea is that all of our suffering is caused by more of us getting crammed in here when there's already no room left.

The background fabric of [[headspace:Abyss]] is black, which makes it look black from the outside. But the inside is far from black, and far from empty. It's a pressurized vertical shaft in rainbow colors, starting at violet at the top, and redshifting the farther down you're squeezed, all the way down to violet again at the bottom.

===== Discovery =====

When I picture my [[headmates:start]]' ideal body images, I visualize them as having theme colors (e.g. hair colors, body colors, or just background colors). I discovered the redshift spectrum by noticing that our respective favorite colors tend to [[wp>redshift]] over time as we continue to dissociate. I also noticed our emotional states fluctuate in this process, and was able to deduce there is a connection.

===== Redshift pressure =====

When I say the redshift spectrum is //pressurized,// and progresses as you're //squeezed// down through it, what I mean is this: The memories and headmates occupying the redshift spectrum behave like a heavy gas. They expand to fill the available space, and, more relevantly, they compress to make room for more---and the pressure is gradient, lowest at the top and highest at the bottom, as if due to gravity. Memories and headmates near the top are under the least pressure, and the ones near the bottom are under the most pressure.

The pressure //seems// to be **extremely painful and frightening** to my headmates. It //may// even be a **threat to their lives.**

Perception of redshift pressure seems to vary depending on whether it's stable or increasing.

Stable pressure feels like a general sense of intense malaise. When the redshift spectrum is in a state of stable pressure, we experience that pressure as just... bad feelings. Toxic sinking feelings in our chest. Shame. Grief. Anger. Paranoia. Longing. It all depends on what [[#color ranges|color range]] a headmate's pressure level is currently in. If they're near the same redshift position as a traumatic memory or an introject, they associate the bad feelings with that. Otherwise, they just associate them with themself. "I'm bad. All of these bad things have happened to me because //I'm// bad." Or with memories we're [[#tethering|tethered]] to.

The only time redshift pressure is //increasing,// as far as I know, is when something or someone //new// is entering [[headspace:Abyss]]; that is, when I'm actively engaging my [[theories:dissociative mechanisms]]. Everything and everyone else has to get squeezed down farther to make room. Stable redshift pressure is already painful and scary, but //increasing// redshift pressure is //abject mental anguish.// And //this// time, there's //blame.// When redshift pressure is increasing, everyone, including the newcomer themself, perceives the cause of the extreme agony to be the newcomer, and perceives the harm as intentional and perpetrated out of contempt, disregard, denial, ignorance, etc.

===== Tethering =====

"Tethering" is how I describe it when a headmate has diverse internal parts nested inside that threaten to split out, or diverse parts that have already split but are still attached, or partial entanglement with other headmates entirely, or any other reason they're partially or fully "stuck" to one certain location in the redshift spectrum.

How we experience this phenomenon may vary. Some of us can't leave certain rooms in [[headspace:start]], or can't //stay// away from them; if we try to leave, our mind blanks out and then we find ourself back in the same place again. Some of us are especially prone to switching between one another despite not being close together on the spectrum or in headspace. Sometimes we'll picture ourselves as physically inside each other, or our accent colors will reference each other.

===== Splitting =====

Both how much [[#redshift pressure]] a headmate is under, and the overall variance of the points they're [[#tethering|tethered]] to, seem to be factors that contribute to their risk of breaking down and becoming a subsystem. Breaking due to variance feels like shattering or being pulled apart, whereas breaking due to pressure feels more like being crushed. We perceive either one as death, inclusive of all the unpleasant emotions that entails. Every part of anyone who dies down here lives on without them, but the decedent themself does not.

With every split I've seen so far, exactly one of the deceased headmate's released parts still thinks of themself as the original, or a reincarnation or outgrowth or development of the original, or even a ghost or an empty shell---while the others all immediately or quickly understand they are new and distinct entities. It's unclear whether this is always the case as a general rule, or if it has just happened to work out this way.

===== Color ranges =====

Different color ranges in the redshift spectrum seem to have different intrinsic characteristic emotional states, corresponding to [[theories:trauma/stress response types]]. I think I've worked out that the //memories and headmates// accumulated in these ranges may inform how we //describe// the associated emotional states, but the //pure emotional// content of a color range does not vary over time nor with changes in [[#redshift pressure]]. The same color is always connected to the same feeling. Just conceptualized differently depending on who lives there right now.

^ Color range ^ Emotional state ^ What someone here might think or say |
^ violet to indigo | Inner strength and self-love. | "We're going to be okay. We're going to get through this somehow." |
^ indigo to blue | Placid numbness. Quiet, dignified grief. | "I just don't understand why it had to be this way. We could have been normal. We could have been happy. We could have had a childhood." |
^ blue to sky-blue | Humiliation and sorrow. | "I'm so disgusting and unlovable and worthless. I don't deserve to be in this life. I should just disappear." |
^ sky-blue to turquoise | Flight and flight-like fawn. Fearing for our life and begging for mercy. | "Please stop. I'm sorry for whatever I did. I promise I'll be better for you. I'll do anything you say. Please just stop hurting me." |
^ turquoise to green | Shock. Flop. | "Oh god I'm really going to die here. This is it. It's over. This is the end. It's hopeless. Time to give up." |
^ green to yellow | I am unable to see into this place. Something really, really horrible happens here. It feels a little bit like some kind of mind control or dehumanization. ||
^ yellow to rose-gold | Flop-like fawn, sometimes also called appeasement. | "Please use me as you like. I am an object with no human dignity nor value and your whim is more important. You own me and I am happy to be of service. You can even kill me if it pleases you. I won't resist. I'll go out with a smile on my face knowing you had your fun." |
^ rose-gold to orange | Script-flipping zone. I'm not sure exactly what mental process gets us from there to here, but it's something like... getting jealous of the aggressor for the appeasement they get to enjoy from us, and wanting it for //ourselves,// from //them.// | "You had your fun. Now it's my turn to be the one in charge. Bow down and serve your master. I'm going to relish taking everything away from you and ruining your life. But don't worry. I'm still going to make you like it. I'll gladly be the bratty little princess crushing your nuts under my heel." |
^ orange to red | Prosecution. Vengeance. | "How fucking dare you do what you've done to me. I'm going to make you pay dearly. When I'm through with you, you'll regret having ever been born." |
^ red to magenta | Fight. | "Get off of me! Get your hands off of me! Get away from me you sick bastard! I'll burn you alive! I'm going to rip your throat out with my teeth and jam it up your urethra!" |
^ magenta to violet | I can't see into this place either, but it feels a little bit like total death of personality. I sometimes feel inclined to describe headmates who reach this point as being "crushed to death," but that's probably not a healthy way of thinking. I //think// maybe this is where //freeze response// lives. ||

===== Strange geometric features =====

We're getting deep into bikeshedding territory here, but I //think maybe// the redshift spectrum has a few weird geometric features with important emotional ramifications.

==== Greenshift pressure ====

The first of these theoretical features is what I call greenshift pressure. If blueshift is a shift of visible light toward a higher frequency, and redshift is a shift toward a lower frequency, then greenshift, I figure, is a shift toward a middle frequency. And that's what we see in this kind of pressure: emotional features that escalate toward the middle of the spectrum, rather than the bottom.

One somewhat fantastical way to look at it is... [[headspace:Abyss]] is spherical, but flattens out into an infinite plane as space becomes hyperbolic near its event horizon. Corresponding to this flattening-out, the redshift spectrum actually has //two centers.// The bottom of the spectrum, the magenta-violet range, is the core, but the //middle// of the spectrum, the //green-yellow// range, is //also// the core. They are, nonetheless, two different places (I think). Abyss just has two middles.

As I said [[#color ranges|earlier]], it's a mystery to me---it's //kept// a mystery to me--- what //exactly// is going on in the green-yellow range. But whatever it is, headmates become more //volatile// the closer they get to it. Their [[#tethering|tethers]] go all over the place. They'll do anything to avoid going in there. They'll wrap themselves around it, if that's what it takes, rather than go in---leading to internal parts of them getting stretched out very far apart.

The noteworthy emotional effects of this are... well... As you approach the green-yellow range from //either// side, you begin to feel increasingly //scared//. Headmates closer to the //magenta-violet// range are more //upset,// but headmates closer to the //green-yellow// range are more //scared.// They feel //smaller.// More //vulnerable.//

This entails---and indeed, this is how it seems to work out---that the following is how your emotions change as you're pushed toward the bottom of Abyss over time:

  * From violet down to green, you go from feeling strong and contented, to feeling small and terrified, but still only halfway miserable.
  * //Something bad// happens from green down to yellow.
  * From yellow down and back aroudn to violet, you go from feeling small, terrified, and halfway miserable, to feeling //fully// miserable, but //also strong again.//

==== Rotary wraparound ====

In //some// sense, the top and bottom of the spectrum seem to be connected, as if the whole space were circular. //Travel// between the top and bottom doesn't seem to be possible, because if you reach the magenta-violet range, you're crushed to death. But headmates //close// to the magenta-violet range seem to gain the power to //reach across// it and //temporarily access// the violet-indigo range; that is, they can temporarily access //inner strength.//

[[headmates:Lucy]] seems to exemplify this capacity, in particular.

==== Correlation between depth, time, and fictionalization ====

It seems like from violet down to green, the farther down in the redshift spectrum you go, the earlier whatever you remember is perceived as having happened. This doesn't necessarily hold from yellow back down around to violet; anything pushed down past green-yellow seems to get jumbled up out of order pretty badly.

It also seems like from yellow back down around to violet, the farther down in the redshift spectrum you go, the more //fictionalized// you become.

It's almost like memories remain //mostly intact// from violet down to green, with only //minor// [[functioning:amnesia]], and then //past// that point they start getting //completely torn apart// by [[theories:dissociative mechanisms]].