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misc:syscourse [2026/06/05 12:28] – ↷ Links adapted because of a move operation jaimemisc:syscourse [2026/06/06 00:38] (current) – ↷ Links adapted because of a move operation 216.73.217.98
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   * I have diagnosed D-PTSD and UDD, and am being evaluated professionally via the SCID-D for a more specific diagnosis.   * I have diagnosed D-PTSD and UDD, and am being evaluated professionally via the SCID-D for a more specific diagnosis.
   * My usual DES-II score sits at 36. My answers to individual questions vary per attempt because I keep telling myself, "what if I wasn't honest the last time I did it, what if I was subconsciously trying on purpose to score higher, I should take it again and answer honestly this time"---and yet, even with my best efforts to answer conservatively, my usual is 36, and I can't get below 31 even if I try. Combined with my MID-60 and DDIS results, //everything// points to OSDD.   * My usual DES-II score sits at 36. My answers to individual questions vary per attempt because I keep telling myself, "what if I wasn't honest the last time I did it, what if I was subconsciously trying on purpose to score higher, I should take it again and answer honestly this time"---and yet, even with my best efforts to answer conservatively, my usual is 36, and I can't get below 31 even if I try. Combined with my MID-60 and DDIS results, //everything// points to OSDD.
-  * My system was formed [[:trauma|traumagenically through child abuse]]. Some might call what I endured extreme. Others might not. (There isn't really a "bad enough." That's a myth.)+  * My system was formed [[functioning:trauma|traumagenically through child abuse]]. Some might call what I endured extreme. Others might not. (There isn't really a "bad enough." That's a myth.)
     * That said... "Oh so you're a RAMCOA conspiracy theorist lying to yourself that liberals kidnapped you to a pizza place" No. Not at all. Extreme child abuse exists. It happens. That's the reality. And there //are// organizations for it. Child sex trafficking is real. Ritual abuse is real. But just because I acknowledge all that doesn't mean I think it's like, pizzagate, or devil worship, or some stupid right-wing myth like that. //All// I'm saying is that my dad and his buddies were pedophiles and took me to a hotel in a suitcase to rape me. That was an organized crime with a ritualistic aspect, in and of itself, no conspiracy theory needed. I claim nothing about //why,// or //how,// or whether there was anyone //else// involved in that whole scheme, or any //political// aspect, etc. //People do horrible shit.// There doesn't have to be a "why."     * That said... "Oh so you're a RAMCOA conspiracy theorist lying to yourself that liberals kidnapped you to a pizza place" No. Not at all. Extreme child abuse exists. It happens. That's the reality. And there //are// organizations for it. Child sex trafficking is real. Ritual abuse is real. But just because I acknowledge all that doesn't mean I think it's like, pizzagate, or devil worship, or some stupid right-wing myth like that. //All// I'm saying is that my dad and his buddies were pedophiles and took me to a hotel in a suitcase to rape me. That was an organized crime with a ritualistic aspect, in and of itself, no conspiracy theory needed. I claim nothing about //why,// or //how,// or whether there was anyone //else// involved in that whole scheme, or any //political// aspect, etc. //People do horrible shit.// There doesn't have to be a "why."
   * I feel like someone who was supposed to be a singlet but was broken apart. Accordingly, I desire final fusion, and I believe endogenic elaboration upon the existing differences between my parts is mostly unhealthy //for me.//   * I feel like someone who was supposed to be a singlet but was broken apart. Accordingly, I desire final fusion, and I believe endogenic elaboration upon the existing differences between my parts is mostly unhealthy //for me.//
misc/syscourse.txt · Last modified: by 216.73.217.98